Bachelor Edition- Let's Go Back to Chantals House

So the first twenty minutes of this episode was a total waste of my reality TV time. I don't need a walk down memory lane just yet, I've only known these girls for five weeks. Remember, the same amount of time as you have Brad. Still, I suppose a little refresher never hurts. I guess I was reminded of a few things I had forgotten. For instance, I almost didn't remember the fact that Ashley wore a tu-tu on her putt putt date. How cute cute. I also forgot for a week that Emily's daughter made her first TV debut in the 1980s horror flick "Gremlins." The one thing I didn't forget, however, is that Chantal is still rich as hell. Thanks for the other reminders ABC.

In South Africa Brad opted for a scenic lunch outdoors with Chantal the hippo. Oops, I meant Chantal and a hippo, type-o! Ironically, the first thing Brad asks Channy is,

"Is it weird for me to say I miss your family? Like your dad."

Not at all. And then he got extra ballsy and asked an even bigger question,

"Would you accept an overnight date with me? And by you I mean your dad?"

And then, as if straight out of a Berenstain Bear novel the cute little couple stayed the night in a tree! A tree! Can you imagine that? Brad is such an adventurer, good thing he has someone like Chantal who is always more than down for the ride.

Just when I didn't think Emily could get any cuter she steps out for her elephant date dressed like the adorable little country girl she is. I know I say this a lot, but this specific outfit of cut off jean shorts and cowboy boots is literally the epitome of what every single Madison County girl hopes to pull off. It's what every single fat little freshman girl tries to pull off at Rope em and Ride em, Country Stampede, and every country concert in between. But Emmers puts us all to shame. So why torture us, Brad? Just choose Emily already. If you can look past Chantal to get to her dad, then you surely can look past Ricky to get to Emily.

And then they dropped the L- bombs. Didn't see that coming. Is it weird I lost a little bit of respect for Emily at this point? I don't know why, because like I said, I want Brad to choose her. But something just didn't feel right. I guess I probably just still feel bad for Ricky Senior at this point.

So if Emily was cute country, Ashley was slutty country. Jean shorts are short enough, I'm not sure there is ever a need to slit the sides to ensure they're even shorter. Unless of course you're like 13. And even in that case I'm gonna call you a slutty 13 year old. Slits on the sides are right up there with unbuttoning your shorts and rolling them. There is never, under any circumstance, a time in which it is necessary to roll jean shorts as if they are meshy shorts. But enough about South Padre spring break. Let's get back to subject. Ashley is just a little spark plug, isn't she? I think she should date someone more like Pauly D. They would just smile and giggle and shout all the time. I mean, they're both from the east coast, they both have professional jobs, and, well that's probably it.

At dinner Brad got all deep again and said one of his many inspirational thoughts,

"I'm not looking for a perfect situation, I'm just looking for a perfect situation for two people."

As opposed to those looking for a bad situation for two people? What the hell does this even mean? Wouldn't a perfect situation for two people, rather than one, be even more hard to come by than it would for one? Sometimes I wonder if even he knows what he is talking about. Must be time to turn to Chris Harrison for guidance.

Brad and Harrison talk about relationships far more than any two grown men should. They go back and fourth like two little bitches. Blah blah blah. Feelings this, love that, John hit me in the head with a whiffle bat reee eeeh eeee eeh eeee.

Big shocker, Brad sends Ashley home. Probably wasn't his smartest move when he asked her as she's getting on the van to go home,

"But what's wrong with you?"

Well.... What do you think? She's like totally heartbroken Brad! Duh! Your relationship went from great to shit in only like two weeks. But why? How? What? WHY GOD WHY? How could a relationship go so bad so quick when the man is only dating two other women on the side? I just don't know. But at least Brad respected Ashley enough to not have her go through a rose ceremony. To which I ask, what about the others you let go? Did you not respect them, BRAD?

I just don't know. Brad seems to dig himself in deeper holes every episode. Hopefully meeting his family next week will pull him out of his slump. And if not I don't really care because it's The Women Tell All episode! Woo hoo! Bring on the crazy middle aged single ladies!