Tye's Bachelorette Party- never have I ever...had so much fun.

Had last night not ended with one of Tye's high school friends' telling me she wanted to punch me in the face, I'd have to say it was one helluva weekend. You get in one little debacle with a one legged man because he just beat you in a dance off and suddenly your about to get hit. It happens to the best of us I guess. But I'll get into this more in a bit.

Friday night went exactly as I hoped, we were loud, obnoxious and toasted almost every drink to make sure everyone within ear shot could hear how fun we are. As expected we jumped on stage at the piano bar and danced until they politely told us to get down. And Tye looked like the classy little bride that she is when they sang "Like a Virgin" to her as she rolled around on top of the piano. It was too adorable. All was going so good until we decided to head across the street to the Irish bar. Kate and I were so excited that we began running and clicking our heels together in the air claiming they were our "Irish jumps" when my phone slid out of my pocket and shattered on the pavement. Kate's phone must have slid out as well around this time but she was so concentrated on perfecting her Irish jumps that she didn't stop to notice until the next morning when it was far too late.

Naturally, day two began very hungover and hazy. The common morning questions were asked: where is my debit card? Why does my phone screen look like a spider web? What is this bruise from? Why are Tye, Ash, Kate and I all sleeping in one bed? Did the taxi driver really have me prank call his brother? Is this pizza or blood? And the dreaded, can you call my phone I think it's lost... Sorry Kate. We cured the haziness with beer and french fries. It would have been a delightul lunch if the idiot stranger I asked to take our photo wouldn't have dropped my camera and broke it. Add it to the tab- phone: $350 + camera:$200. Wonderful. Luckily, my bad mood was about to diminish as the real bachelorette festivities were almost ready to begin.

Last night it was like I had died and gone to Bachelorette heaven. The night was a cliché beyond my wildest dreams. Penis squirt guns, penis jello shots, penis straws, penis necklace, penis cupcakes, and I nearly teared up when Tye put on her penis veil. She just looked so beautiful. I saw her mom and grandmother just glowing with pride. It was just one those moments they'll remember forever. We continued to play fun "get to know the couple" games, Tye opened present after present of gorgeous lingerie pieces and then we finished with a nice relaxing round of "who can put the condom on the twinkie the fastest." Like I said, there was no way a broken camera and phone could get me down when I was knee deep in Twinkie cream and condom latex.

We proceeded to have a great dinner downtown and Tye was even able to cross a few things off her scavenger hunt list. She found a very charming young man to walk her down the aisle, and then we even found a fun older couple who so graciously acted out their favorite sexual position on their table, they were a hoot. After dinner we went on to Tavern for drinks and dancing. This is when it started to get...interesting. We must have had "buy us shots" written on our foreheads because everybody seemed to want to do just that. We danced like idiots, screamed like a bachelorette party, and bopped around like we owned the place. When the Dirtybit song came on we screamed like it was the new year and then sang "I'm having the time of my life," at the tops of our lungs. Because we so obviously were. Next thing I know there is a guy dancing and moving behind us with crutches. He's pretty drunk and a little too forward, and with only one leg. I tell him that just because he has one leg doesn't mean he can be all touchy feely and grab girls he doesn't know. One thing leads to another and suddenly he's challenging me to a dance off. Not one to back down to competition, I accept the challenge. Crutches in tact, he's pretty smooth on his foot. I actually got a little timid after he showed his moves and decided to forfeit and let him go the victor. We settled with shots. Somewhere in between the shots and the dancing I might have made a joke or two with ol' Crutches (not at him) regarding the missing leg. It was something casual, I think I asked how Vietnam was. Or maybe I told him that I had a leg up on him. I don't know, doesn't matter. He laughed WITH me, I mean I figured this guy is pretty secure with his situation if he's challenging people to dance offs for God's sake. Well, someone heard my inappropriate jokes and got a little offended and decided I needed to be punched. Or at the very least say she wanted to. It was simply a misunderstanding is all, I truly meant no offense. I asked Crutches to come to my aid and prove we had become new best friends, but like any guy would, he just laughed at me and the situation at hand. He was actually enjoying it I think. Like I said he was a funny guy, really seemed to put his best foot forward...

Back at home in Topeker I am ready to sleep for the next 15 hours. This weekend really took it out of me. If the bachelorette party is an indicator of what the wedding will be like we are all in for a good time, hopefully with less penis decor. But either way I am still pumped.