The Office Community

The inner dynamics of an actual office staff intrigue me so. I rarely get the chance to experience what it's like to have "co-workers" or even work in an actual "office setting," so when I get the opportunity, I try really hard to soak it all in. Twice a year we all come together (the inside staff and the outside staff) for a half time meeting to discuss numbers and such. I am not really a numbers kinda gal, so instead of paying attention to something I could care less about, I choose to take this time to study the individuals around me and their common office behavior.

As office meetings tend to start, we began with an ice breaker. Oh it was a fun one. We passed around a basket full of different questions. At random, we picked out a piece of paper from the basket and had to answer the in-depth question at hand.

"What's your favorite movie?" Office Space.

"If you had one super power what would it be?" To get the hell out of here.

"What is something unique or special about you?" I hate all of my coworkers. I guess that isn't too unique, though.

It became very evident that this game was much more fun for the people on the inside. Damn them and their inside jokes, it was quite rude. They would laugh at the most random things and follow it with something like,

"oh yah, that was like that time," or "don't bring that up," or even "I still can't get over that." Of course they didn't include the rest of us who had no idea what was going on.

Besides their snotty inside jokes, the game also made it clear that this office has many cliques. Cliques quite similar to what I see in high schools everyday. The cool adults still sit in the back, the insecure adults occupy the middle, and the dorks take the front. Not much seems to have changed in ten years, except of course the snotty popular girls appear to have gotten fatter, the douche bags just get douchier, but I am glad to report the dorks seem to get a lot happier with time. Each worker has their role. We've got negative Nancy sitting up front. She's the idea crusher. Doesn't matter how spectacular the notion might be, it's not going to work. Because they already tried it, or someone she knew tried it, or it's too expensive or it's not realistic, or it might require her to get up off her lazy ass to get something from her cube. Her motto is, "if it aint broke, don't fix it- because it's probably going to break soon and then what will we do because no idea will be able to fix it." After her we have Danny Tanner, the guy who won't quit talking just for the sake of talking. The convo is well and over but he still wants to take a walk down memory lane and bring some damn story up that is completely irrelevant. He's been waiting for this meeting since the day he got hired. Luckily, Dane Cook is going to cut him off from the back row with an awful joke. Think something along the lines, "that's what she said," and "I'm Ron Burgandy?" If you don't hear him the first time he is going to repeat himself over and over until Daria in the middle row mutters something snide under her breath. Daria isn't quite a dork, or necessarily that insecure, she's just too cool to be here. She probably hates things like Facebook and the Jersey Shore and loves the idea that Starbucks now serves alcohol so she will truly never have to step into a bar again. And of course we can't forget about Wonda "what if." What if this happens, or what if we tried this, or what if they said that, or what if I accidentally got my finger stuck in my car door and couldn't dial on a phone.

The real anomaly to me is the big boss man- the mayor of this office community if you will. He seems to encompass a little bit of everyone, which is good I suppose, you want a leader for all the people. He looks like a dork, but acts like a douche bag, and seems incredibly insecure. He pops in and out of the meeting whenever he pleases, I am sure he is tending to much more important business. He seems to strut like he's a big shot, but is constantly quickly looking over his shoulder to see if someone put a "kick me" sign on his ass. He tries to be motivational yet comes of condescending. Is he really an ass hole or do I just think this because I have a problem with authority?

He ends the meeting with a "is there anything else we need to cover?"

My eyes dart to Danny Tanner. If he says something one more damn time I am going to freak out, we've already attempted to end three times. I am already wearing my coat, my notebook is put away, my computer bag is sealed, I have nothing else I can pretend to shut at this time. Should I put on gloves or would that be too much? Danny must be distracted by a watch reflection or something because for once he doesn't say anything. The meeting finally ends and I am out as fast as possible.

And now just a few more hours until it's time for some fist pumping fun! Hopefully the new girl is as attractive and fun as Angelina, she's going to be a hard one to top!