Bach Edition: Brad has changed. He has. We swear. He's different.

First things first. Brad is CUTE. Probably one of the better looking bachelors I have seen. All of those scenes of him in the beginning sitting in the rain crying and staring off into the distance absolutely broke my little reality heart. I am so thankful he found a therapist who told him that his dad being gone all of the time in his childhood is the reason he couldn't choose snatchy/bitter Dayanna so he is ready and able to be back on a reality show to give this crazy love thing another go. Hopefully this season we will all be able to know "the real Brad" that everyone has been searching for. Everyone including Brad. The Brad who loves to hang out with his nieces and play Princess. The Brad who runs without a shirt on. And the Brad who is no longer "the tough guy."

Let me do a quick run down of my first impression of some of the girls.

Here's what I have gathered. Half of the girls "don't know anything about him," and the other half "want to make sure you're ready for this." So half are incredibly insecure and want him to think he's starting from a clean slate and can abuse them as he pleases. The other half want him to know they "understand and don't judge him" they've got "crazy girl" written all over their bronzed face.

Ashley The Dentist girl. She guarantees fun! And she dances in softball sox and a tank top. What is more fun than that?! And watch out she's a HUGGER!!! But she's bubbly and cute and fun and fun and FUN!!!

Chantal. A classy name on a black girl, and oddly enough, just the opposite on a white girl. However, if someone would have told me that there is female car dealer on this show I probably would have guessed her name was one of two things, either Rhonda or Chantal. So good for her for finding her calling. And the whole slapping thing? Had her name been anything but Chantal I might have been surprised.

Madison. I feel cheap even talking about this freakshow. You want to be on True Blood, we get it. Take your talents elsewhere. Why do I have a feeling Chris Harrison had something to do with her getting a rose?

Meghan. Old Mother Hubbard lived in a nasty pink wedged shoe. Old Mother Hubbard is most likely a skank.

Emily. She is what every Norfolk girl aspires to be. Engaged at 19 to a race car driver, overly tan skin, beautiful brassy hair, and can pull off tennis ball sized hoop earrings like it's her job. So naturally, I like her. She's a doll. I think she would be the perfect subservient wife for Brad.

Marissa. Hey I'm a cool girl! Did I mention I like sports? I'm cool. I swear I'm not crazy. I like wings and beer and did I mention I like sports?! I'm just your ultimate guys girl. Let's go fart and burp and then I'm gonna go silently cry in my room after.


Jackie: "You need to pinky swear."
Brad: "What?"
Jackie: "Pink Swear?"
Brad: "Tell me what?"
Jackie "Pinky swear that you're going to choose me at the end."
Brad: giggle.
Jackie: "NO! This isn't a F%#CKING joke BRAD! You need to swear to me on your dead beat father's life that you will choose me and only me and marry me and I will be the only woman you ever ever talk to for the rest of your life." Giggle.

Chantal #2. Are you kidding me? Did I mess up, are there seriously two Chantal's on this season? Pretty sure the third one lives below me.

Rachiel with an i. The Jewish disco ball called, it wants it's dress back.

Lisa. Good call on the Dorothea shoes. I can't wait to buy them at Plato's in Topeka when you get kicked off.

Rebecca. Did you really leave the Gilmore Girls? What's Rory gonna do without her mom?

Keltie. Perhaps pants might have been a btter choice for the high kick. I won't be comfortable looking her in the eye for the rest of the season.

Sarah. She can't snap her fingers... If she can't do this God only knows what else she can't do. Whistle? Clap? Give high fives?

Michelle. Woo dogs she's purty. She looks like a model, like for a fancy hot rod magazine or alcohol company.

Jackie. She likes to sing, but she doesn't do it often. Not much at all, but what the hell, she'll give it a shot just this one time on National tv. Just this once though.

The Kardashian's ugly cousin. Need I say more?

Ashley S. She got the first impression rose,YAY! She's a sweetheart. I bet Ashely the dentist is uber mad. My only question is where is the 3rd Ashley? I haven't seen these girls since their days on Recess. I am happy to see they've grown into nice young women.

All in all Brad, we get it. You're healed. You're changed. You're not the first guy to not find love on this show. I'm just nervous Brad won't be able to keep up this sensitive/sweet guy act the entire time and half way through he is going slip into a fit of rage and start beating girls. And by nervous I mean I'm hopeful. Guess we'll find out this season on the Bachelor.

Note to those of you out there who are lucky enough to watch this with friends: I suggest playing a fun drinking game while watching. Every time Brad says "changed man" take a drink, and every time Brad says "soul searching" take another drink.