Scamma jamma

Long time no blog. As it turns out, moving to a new place with only a few days notice is actually quite hectic and doesn't leave much down time. Five hundred trips between Overland Park and Topeka and I'm almost finally settled. All I have to do is get a Tweety Bird tattoo on my ankle, flower on my wrist, and a tongue ring and I will officially be a Topekan. I can't wait til I pick up a twangy Topeker accent. I can already feel it a coming on. See, would ya look at that, I'm already adding the unnecessary "a" before words. Today on my tenth trip to Home Depot I found a family of five looking closely at every riding lawn mower for sale examining which could "hold da most burrs," and which would "have a lil room for ice in tha back." Other than the fact I have been running between Pier One, Target and TJ Maxx at least three times a day, Chris and I are making our appearance known here by going out to eat at all of the finest dining. We started with Pizza Hut, Quiznos, then Qudoba and ended on a fancy note tonight with Boston Market. Yes, the eating is good here in God's land. A real gem of a place this is I am quickly finding out. I am anxious to go to the zoo soon, although nothing compares to Henry Doorly, so I am sure I will just be disappointed. But,all in all I am quite content in the apartment Chris and I chose. It took a lot of searching but we found a good place that didn't require us to show a welfare pass at the door. I even had a few internet rental scammers trying to get in my way. But luckily, scammer is my middle name and I saw them coming from a mile away and decided to have a little fun with the bastards. Here is a bit of our convo:

Me: Hello,
I was just wondering if this house is still available. Thanks.


Scammer: Hello,
Thanks for you response,I am the owner of the property available for rent, Am on a missionary with the General Board of Global Ministries of the United Methodist Church International, I am presently serving as Camp Director with the United Methodist Church in West Africa,Nigeria .I am responsible for changing the lives of countless children, youth, adults and families with disabilities and serious illnesses in Nigeria and all related works with other mission personnel.I am married to a wife named Faith and we are blessed with a 3yr old daughter Melinda, our current home is in the vineyard of the Lord in West Africa,Nigeria.The key will be send to the approval,If interested fill out this questions below:

Me: Hello, this house sounds so great. And you sound amazing, as well. Man, what a saint you are, God bless!! Be careful of them aids though, I hear they're worse than the herp! I would love to know more. Can I come tour it tomorrow? I will do anything.

Scammer: You must fill out form I provided. I love to rent you house. Please fill out name and banking information.

Me:

1)Your Full Name : Tayanna Peterhead Dirklick
2)Your Full Address & Phone Number : 1402 Wallabe Way 402-867-5309
3)How old are you...32
4)Are you married....Yes to a very wealthy man.
5)How many people will be living in the house...2
6)Do you have a pet....Yes, a pharrot, a squirrel and five parrots, and eleven hamsters.
7)Do you have a car....yes,many. I would like to give a few away, actually.
8)Occupation....:Doctor/Entertainer
9)Credit Score....perfect
10)Reason for relocating...husband is relocating to a new hospital
11)How soon are you will to move in. ASAP
12)How long do you want to stay.. a few years


Scammer: Hello Tayanna Dirklick,

Thanks for the information you have provided,we are very pleased with that and i would very much like to continue with the process, but first there are things you should know before we proceed.....


After going through the information you've provided and it really match our desire,we would like to send the following document to you threw (DHL) to the address you sent to us and the tracking number will be sent to you so that you can track it to know when the key and document we get to you and possibly occupy our property. you will need to make a Security deposit payment of $5000 is required to be made now which shows that you are willing to secure and move into the property as soon as possible. And payment we be made threw western union that is the only way that will can receive money in Africa so get back to me so that i can send you the information that you will use to make the deposit.


Me: This sounds awesome!! Thank you for your speedy response. Can I see the house before I move in? We just want to make sure our safes of gold will fit in the basement. And did you say the deposit was $5000 or $50000,doesn't matter either way. We are so excited to move. Tell me again where to send the money i would love to speed this long as we are hoping to move ASAP so we can also set up our adult film studio upstairs. Thanks again! Talk soon :)

And then I got bored with it and stopped responding. It was fun for a bit though.

But anywho, this time of year always makes me incredibly nostalgic for the little town that is Lincoln, Nebraska. Going through four hellish days of sorority rush was completely worth it for what Thursday night always entailed. I would do it all over again. Hell, I would go through two weeks of rush just to be able to have that first free Thursday night once again. Man, those were the days. I am just gitty with excitement thinking about the first Husker game which is quickly approaching. Talegates, and the bar patio, and talegates, and Sandys, and the bar, and Lazarris, and talegates. It's just too much for me to even think about right now.