Chpt 8 TMI

As if the whole concept of Facebook isn't just a little more than some of us bargained for.

Let's pretend for a second that Facebook in itself isn't just one big ball of Too Much Information. Sure, it all started simple enough. Back in the day we were only allowed one profile picture to show the world how good looking and fun we are. There was no such thing as photo albums, or even tagged photos. It was the responsibility of just one photo to tell the FB world what kind of personality you hoped to portray. This was a difficult task to say the least. I would sometimes go months without taking a profile worthy photo. Throw in the deathly pale months of winter and the outcome was not pretty, literally. Imagine a Facebook world in which you don't have access to your ex best friend from high school's tacky wedding at the school auditorium? No, thank you.

But it was the addition of status updates which really flipped the Facebook world upside down. It's hard for me to remember a time when updates weren't available. How did people keep track of each other? How did people brag about vacations, concerts, promotions, ext? Did people actually pick up their phone to call friends and family to inform them of every minute of their baby's day as they now do on Facebook? And most importantly, did people actually write physical letters to various subjects in life, example: "Dear Sun, please come back," "Dear final exam, I hate you," "Dear cop who pulled me over, you suck."

Intially, I felt Facebook had made a huge mistake. What was the point of updates? That was what Twitter was for. Facebook was no longer only for college kids, now this? I was mad. I swore to myself I would never update, and I would forever judge those who did. Well, I gave it, obviously. I still remember my first update. It was during a low point in my life in which money was hard to come by so I had no other choice but to sell my body for the sake of medical investigation. It's not something I am proud of, although it did pay for a trip to Europe so I suppose it wasn't all bad. After about four days of no social interaction with people under the age of forty, and with no more than four teeth at MDS Pharma Services, I turned to Facebook to voice my distress in an update. It was something along the lines of, "get me outta here."

Status updates began simple enough, a "TFIG" here, an "Excited for the game" there. But somewhere along the line posts lengthened and became a bit more personal with each Facebook day that passed. The weekend posts turned into in depth details regarding every drink and food consumed and then later thrown up, the "I'm having a baby," posts turned into an unnecessary play by play of all twelve sweaty hours of labor- with pictures to follow. So who is the one always drawing the new line in the sand? I think you might have an idea.

Fbgirl: "The D'Leons from last night is hurting today. Never again ughhh."

What makes you think anyone really wants to know about your mexican enhanced bowel movements?

Fbgirl: "Just left surgery. I am so swollen and black and blue. Owwwwy."

Never a need to inform the Fb world about something which is "swollen and black and blue."

Fbgirl: "Why doesn't this flu go away? I just want to stop throwing up everything I try to eat :("

And again, no need for this. We would have been okay after "away."

Fbgirl: "WTF do babies eat?Why does this kids diaper look like Hamburger helper and Doritos. Never having kids!"

Thanks for ruining two of my favorite foods.

Fbgirl: "why does my dog like to poop anywhere but outside, especially right on my new couch?!?!"

Why do I have a feeling Mark Zuckerberg is sitting in his L.A. mansion at this very moment still chuckling to himself about his little college project known as "Facebook." He's a millionaire because he figured out people want to post about their dog's shit, and even worse, people like me will continue to read it.