Chapter 10 Lifes' Greatest Questions

Because God doesn't respond nearly as fast as Facebook.

If God doesn't start commenting on statuses soon, or at the very least start "poking," Facebook might just take over his job. Don't get me wrong, I'm 100% against this, but I don't know, more and more people are turning from praying to posting their greatest questions, instead. Understandable too, who wants to keep their lifes' greatest problems and dilemmas secret when you can make them public and get like ten notifications in one day? Not to mention it's much easier to get sympathy via Facebook. It just makes praying in private seem so cliche.

I'm old fashioned, I keep most of my struggles to myself, or just to people who know me pretty well- or at the very least outside of Facebook world. Occasionally I'll turn to the ol Facebook god for matters concerning subjects such as weather, "why can't it even be a little sunny today," or petty wishes, "when will I finally be the one to win the lottery?" For the most part I try to keep it light. But now I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm just being ignorant by refusing to bring hundreds of strangers into my personal life, who am I say they couldn't provide me with adequate advice?

No questions are off limits for Facebook Girl. She spares nothing. As I've noticed her questions have seemed to have gotten a bit deeper, and dare I say darker, with Facebook time. I can't help but wonder if perhaps she is on to something? She must be getting the answers to all of lifes' greatest questions, why else would one continue to post private details about their life? Surely not for attention, it's obviously because she's getting her solutions. Yet another bold move by FbGirl resulting in a positive outcome.

FbGirl: "why is it that everytime I start to open up and really begin to like a guy he just completely stops talking to me?"

Maybe next time you shouldn't start by opening up...

FbGirl: "why is life so unfair? I thought things were really going my way for once. Nope. Thought too soon as usual."

My only hope is that your Fb life isn't nearly as unfair as your real life so if all goes well this post will at least land you a few "what's wrong" "I love you" "cheer up" and most importantly "don't be sad you're so pretty when you smile" responses.

FbGirl: "So long social life, have to work the next four weekends. Why does this always happen to me?"

Because life is unfair. I thought we already established this.

FbGirl: "Loves it when guys are such assholes even tho I basically did whatever he wanted and even lost a few of my friends along the way trying to please him. What's wrong with me?"

Refer to Chapter 2 Regarding Relationships and "Sexy Men," and just to be safe skim Chapter 8 TMI, as well.


FbGirl: "Loved you so much and miss you so bad it hurts, grandma. How has five years already gone by?"

This brings me to my next question: Does one get Facebook in heaven? Initially, I want to say yes. But, if God is a smart business man, definitely not.