The Sex and The City Variety Show

I've never gone to a midnight showing of a movie before. I guess I just haven't cared enough about a movie release to be that person- I mean until last night. Last night Jade, my mom and I attended the 11:59 release of Sex and the City. We all wore cocktail attire and took turns wearing the fancy blue Manolos Jade wore for her wedding that SJP made famous from the first movie. Ickkk, if you believed me just now please take this moment to slap yourself. But anyway... I'm about to divulge into the awfulness that was this movie, so if you're going to see it soon you might want to divert your eyes. Why do I call it a variety show you might wonder? Well for starters the girls all were able to showcase their voices during a wonderful karaoke sing in which they all belted out "I am woman," in a very theatrical tone. Oh perhaps it was the opening number featuring a very old Liza Minnelli singing and dancing to "All the Single Ladies." Or hell, it musta just been all the kneel slapping and elbow nudging jokes the gals were slinging off another every other line that screamed variety show.
The worst part is that I wanted so badly for this to be as good as the first movie. I didn't care that the ladies are getting older, old women can still be funny. Turns out I should have been worried that the writers were getting older, as well. Then again, I can't help but wonder if it was an entirely new set of writers even because the movie had a completely different feeling than the series. It was something like Home Alone meets Adventures in Babysitting. The girls went from camels in the desert to discovering a secret Muslim book club then getting chased by Muslims and then they sneak out looking like Muslims. I kid you not it was some of the weirdest shit. I dozed off for a second and woke up and thought I was watching the Hurt Locker all of the sudden.
My other thought regarding why this movie was so bad was that perhaps it was written by the viewers. There are moments when I literally was waiting for Miranda to wink at the audience as if to say "eh? ya? you like that line? that was for you guys." Not just Miranda, but Charlotte, Samantha and Carrie. I think there must have been a time when viewers were able to write in things they wanted to see or real life situations or something because why in the hell else would Charlotte and Miranda actually do a cheers to "all of the moms who raise kids without help." I just can't get to the bottom of it. And believe me, I have thought and thought about it. I mean did it not occur to SJP to think a scene in which Muslim ladies take off their veils to reveal they are all dressed in top NY flashy fashion to be just a tad bit weird? Not even a little?
Maybe I just expected too much. Or maybe I am not even the type of audience they were going after. Because judging by the audience at the 11:59 showing I did feel a bit out of my class, weight class that is. I'm talking women who require two seats. Women who also require the cardboard tray at the snack stand to carry all the goodies. Pretty sure the carboard trays had to be restocked after last night.
I'm done. I have to get over this, I need to stop dwelling. But in the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "I couldn't help but wonder..." why this movie was ever made.