7 Stages of Grief

Man, today was a long day. I had to give seven presentations, and trust me, that is a lot. Imagine giving the same old song and dance seven times straight through. To give you a visual, just picture me in front of the class riding a unicycle in a chefs coat, juggling knifes with the circus theme song playing. That's what I feel like I am doing, anyway. At the end of the day (which is actually only 1:15 pm) I am just exhausted. But, I have figured out why I am so drained, and it's not just from talking. It's because I now realize that every time I am forced to give a full day's worth of presentations I, without meaning to, go through the seven stages of full force grief.
1. Denial.
On my drive to the school at 6:00 a.m. in the morning I refuse to let myself think about what I have to do. I pretend I am only giving 3 presentations. I tell myself it will be fine, I'll be done in no time. Perhaps I wrote the number of presentations down wrong, I start to convince myself that I truly am only speaking for 3 classes. I even start to dig through my planner because I am so certain I am wrong. No one would expect me to speak to that many classes. The idea of it is simply ridic.
2.Pain.
I find my planner and see that I am indeed scheduled to talk to 7 classes. Oh shit, this is going to be bad. Just the thought of it makes my throat dry up. I start to cringe at the thought of all the teens just staring at me, waiting for me to mess up so they can laugh, just waiting to ask me stupid questions like "can i have your number" and "is this like your job" and "are you still in high school?" My head starts to pound out of premeditated annoyance.
3. Bargaining.
No, no, no, this can't be happening, I can't do this, I won't. I'll tell the teacher I'll do 3 today, and come back for the other 4 tomorrow. I'll tell her I'll give her an entire box of pencils, even some culinary bags if she let's me go early. Or maybe I can fake sick. I'll say I have swine flu again, I know how to fake the symptoms. This is about the time I am turning into the high school parking lot. I weigh my options for about 30 seconds, truly debating if I can just go home and say forget the entire deal.
4.Depression.
Well obviously I can't leave. I have no choice, I have to park in the student lot because the school I am speaking in only has TWO visitor spots which are already taken. This really sucks. In the pouring rain I grab my knife kit, computer bag, cooler, and suit case and begin the awful walk into the school, ready to check in with the friendly office staff who refuse to acknowledge I am standing in front of them until their conversation with the person on the phone regarding what color they are painting their kitchen has come to a full conclusion. Perhaps I should take up cutting, and I'm not talking about Jicamas.
5, Upward Turn.
One presentation down, only 6 to go. The first one didn't go that bad, it was early so most of the kids were sleeping, anyway- no smart asses, yet. The teacher is nice, too, and she laughs at my jokes. Okay, this could be worse. I could be sitting back in my old half-cubicle at Sandhills discussing Tractor motors with prospective clients.
6. Reconstruction.
Four presentations are done. By now I know the attitude of the kids, what works and what doesn't, so I use it to my advantage. I know what clips they like to watch, which jokes they like to hear, and when to play a quick animation so I can grab a drink of water and stop talking for a minute.
7. Acceptance.
I am almost done for the day. But by this point I am almost in a daze. It just feels normal to be riding my unicycle in front of everyone. They say jump, I say how high? This is just my life. I start to think I could even do a few more presentations if the teacher wanted me to. I'm like a machine by this point, smiling on command, and mincing and dicing like its the best thing in the world. But then I snap out of it.... Realizing I have only 1 minute to get clear across the entire school and out of the door before the bell rings. So I begin the bell run, half way out I realize I forgot my Interest Cards, which is basically the whole reason why I go into these classrooms, it's what my job consists of are collecting these cards. Too late though, I can't go back, the sad thing is I really don't even consider it. I would be an awful soldier, I'd leave a man behind any day if it would spare me a traffic jam.