St. Patricks in Topeker

I slipped into a food coma last night around 6:30 p.m. I'm not even kidding, it was a full on chicken pasta/queso chips food induced comatose sleep. It's taken much longer than normal to get over this past weekend. I thought the rule of thumb was that is only takes half the number of days you were drinking to get over the hangover. Or maybe that's the rule for a relationship/breakup. Who knows, I've had a helluva lot more hangovers than I've had breakups. Once again though, I fail to understand why it's only the bride and groom who gets the luxury of a honeymoon. I can't help but think of Tye and Zach on the white beaches of Saint Lucia as I struggle to get out of bed in the morning and motivate myself to put on my Chefs jacket and black Chuck Taylors. It's been more degrading than usual this week. I've been pulling my cooler just a little bit slower into schools, my knife skills have been less than par. But such is life right now, all I can do is put on my Chef pants one leg at a time like every other person. I have to look myself in the mirror every morning and say, "You can do this! Today is going to be a great day. I am going to be the best culinary recruiter I can be. I am not going to try to cut off my finger in hopes I will get disability for a month."

The adjustment from my fake Arizona life to my real Topeker life has been more difficult than I accounted for. I no longer look out my window to see a shiney blue pool sitting beneath desert mountains. Nope, now I look out and see a long stretch of grassless backyards full of dogs. The scenery is less than appealing around here right now. I'm just going to have to learn to appreciate the small things. Like yesterday for instance, I was able to vacuum my entire house from the same outlet, I didn't have to change it once. Betcha can't do that in Arizona. I just hope this nice weather can pull me out of my funk. It's supposed to be 80 degrees here today. What delightful weather for this fake drunken holiday. Let's reflect for a second on St. Patricks Days of the past, I've had some pretty good ones. In 2006 it was spent in South Padre, 2007 Acapulco, 2008 Paris, 2009 San Fran, 2010 St. Louis and now 2011 in Peker. What a lucky girl I am, at this rate I can only imagine where I will be next year. Scottsbluff, Nebraska? Manhattan, Kansas? Who knows, the possibilities are endless! I am sure tonights St. Pattys will be a bit more tame than usual, but that's fine with me. I'll just spend it how I spent New Years Eve, creeping on Facebook on all the people who feel it necessary to "check in" at every bar they stop at. It's my way of living through others on fun nights when I choose to stay home. I for one love the check in option on Fb, because God knows it was so difficult to actually type it out in your status, now it's so much easier to tell everyone where we are by just clicking, actual directions included even. I for one would hate to bar hop all over the place and accidentally forget to check in somewhere the moment I arrive, it would be like forgetting to RSVP, to people you don't know. So just in case I forget tonight, I'll be "checking in" at home. You know just in case you were wondering. I might also "check in" at Arbys, just depends how the night goes. Why not take it a step further and add the option of telling everyone what you are drinking or eating, as well. If the Facebook world gets to know where you are, why not tell us what you're doing there too. Nothing should be left unsaid if you ask me.

I'll tell ya one thing the warm weather has caused around here, it's caused the Westboro creeps to come crawling out of their satanic hole more often. I've seen them twice now. Yesterday they were holding signs that featured two happy male Leprechauns doing male things to each other. The caption wasn't nearly as friendly. Maybe if I have enough green beers tonight I'll get the courage to march outside their church with the numerous clever posters I've created in my head. If you see me "check in" at Westboro tonight you'll know why.