Chpt 18- I'm Too Sexy For This Snow Storm

Naked snow angels, anyone?

If ever there was a day for full on un-interrupted Facebook creeping, it’s a snow day. Naturally, this means a fun filled day of posting for Facebook Girl, with a few breaks for online Victoria Secret shopping and drinks at Brothers, of course. But even then I hesitate to use the word “break” as mobile uploads are still in full force during these times. I can’t help but wonder what one did on snow days before Facebook? Did we really just watch movies without our phone always at our side? But how were we able to see all of the fun mobile pics of snow covered cars or friends drunkenly falling in snow piles? And how were we able to read statuses about how excited teachers are they don’t work in the real world and get a snow days like the kids. When Facebook didn’t exist did twenty year olds still go sledding holding a beer in their hand even if they couldn’t post about it? Doubtful. As my motto goes, if you can’t post it, what’s the point of doing it?

So how does Facebook Girl start her snow day? Sleeping in? Nonsense, there is too much to post on such a postful day. A snow day has the potential to fulfill all of the clichés that a Facebook Girl dreams of on a cold winter’s day, and a Facebook Boy dreams of reading about. There is too much attention to be had in too little of time.

First things first, a FbGirl tends to start the day like any good Christian girl would, by thanking God for granting her this snow day and cancelling her classes/work. Never mind that it’s going to end with her inviting over strange boys to come lay in her bed and warm her up because she is so wasted off of Peppermint schnapps and hot chocolate, we’ll get to that later. What’s next on the list for this fun day off? Perhaps a quick mobile pic a la bathroom mirror dressed in oh so cozy wool socks and little boxer shirts and tank top. I feel as if someone should tell this poor girl that she wouldn’t need the wool socks if she was in sweats and a sweatshirt, but oh well. We should just be thankful she is willing to share this day off with us, and that she is. Almost every minute of it is documented. She’s up, she’s eating breakfast, she’s snuggling on the couch all day watching Animal Planet, she’s making chili, she’s taking pictures of her snow covered car, she’s looking for sledding partners, she’s inviting friends over to play Twister, she’s making margaritas, she’s taking more pics of herself without makeup and posting “me without makeup, scary I know!” Oh stop, you’re beautiful Facebook Girl. I love when girls post no makeup pics followed by an insecure comment. It makes me want to comment along side the 25 other creepo guys who says, “who you kidding, you look the most gorgeous in this pic,” or “please girl, this is hot.” I can just hear the guys clicking their mouths to the side in that gangster way as they say it. And I couldn’t agree more. If only I had the insecurity, I mean security, to post a pic of myself without makeup.

Okay so let’s cover our bases here. Which clichés do we still need to bring up? Sledding, check. Chili and cinnamon rolls, check check. Pictures of big next door neighbor covered in snow with the caption “Abominable snowman.” Check. But that reminds me, time for naughty snow men time and naked snow angels! Then it’s inside for a hot bath and finally time to get crunkkkk! Any takers willing to bring Facebook Girl downtown, her car simply can’t make it in all this snow… You betcha!!! Just refer to creeper #1 and perv #5 from status at noon featuring a pouty faced self photo in a scarf and boots and a bikini. I’m too sexy for this… snow storm….too sexy for this snow storm… too sexy for my dig-nit-y… The ol damslut in distress move.

FbGirl: “Holy snow day! Good thing I stocked up on tequila and bubble bath last week!”

I know I don’t ever buy one without the other.

FbGirl: “No work today or tomorrow… Guess it’s time to get drunk, anyone want to come over?!”

Only if the tequila and bubble bath from the post above are included, then heck yes!

FbGirl: “Brrrr I’m freezing. Wish I big guy to come over and warm me up ;)”

Clothes also warm one up. Clothes not purchased from Victories Secret Pink section, the section intended for 13 year olds who want to look slutty.

FbGirl: “Probably shouldn't’t have worn heels in a blizzard. Definitely slipped and fell on my ass making my dress fly up around my waist. Lol oh well.”

Heels and a skirt + a blizzard= formula for F-U-N.