The Miracle of Life

I think adopting really is the way to go for some people. This way I could have the Samoan athletic giant I've always dreamed of. He would obviously be a world class football star and I would be his cute mom who would always look little and tiny standing next to him. I just don't think I could handle what is about to happen to Jade. She isn't even close to being done and I've already seen enough. She's hooked up to wires and tubes and has to walk around in a hospital gown pulling a wheely thing beside her. I'm not exactly too keen on the idea of tooting around in a public place dressed only in a hospital gown, I get shy just thinking about it. But I'm starting to realize delivering a baby leaves no place for modesty. The other thing that seems a little off to me is how the bathroom is right in the room so anytime Jade has to do any sort of bowl movement there's six of us in here who politely just sit and wait five feet from the bathroom door as she's doing her business. I feel like we should get the hell out of here or something. Although I'm still a little confused why she even bothers to get up to go to the bathroom because last time she got up I swear I caught a glimpse of a diaper under her gown. What this is for I have no idea... Maybe it's just like a safety net in case the baby happens to just slip out on it's own or something. Or I guess it could be there just in case the little guy starts tossing stuff down. There's nothing more tempting to a curious little kid than throwing stuff down a dark hole. I know I always loved the chance to toss a penny in a well when the opportunity arose. Maybe the baby is just trying to get a leg up on his luck. I suppose that would make sense. The other thing I caught wind of which I wish I hadn't was when the nurse was telling her about the epidural. Eeeeeek. Talk about a catch 22. So you can either take a needle the size of a baseball bat right in your spine and not feel labor, or you can pass on the needle and instead feel the "miracle" of pushing a grapefuit out of an olive hole. Where is the option of putting on the gas mask you get at the dentist and being able to just laugh your way through the whole thing because it feels like you're spinning in the chair while the ceiling tiles are floating like clouds and you can see your fingers leave a trail of air behind them when you flutter them in front of your face. I would choose that option. Next on the list for Jade's day of fun was when the nurse had her get on all fours so she could feel where her contractions are. But I couldn't help but think that this was probably exactly how she got herself into this mess. And cue drummer, ba da da.

Well pretty soon here we're going to take a break to go to Jade's house to let the dogs out. Whoo whoo whoo whoo. I've been a naughty aunt and have been singing "We are Siamese if you please," all day to Mischa like the snotty cats from the movie Lady and the Tramp. But I stopped eventually because I could tell Misch was getting pretty upset, she knows something is up so I sat down and had a talk with her to make sure she knows she's not being replaced, she's just getting a little brother to play with.

I'll keep ya posted through out this entire miracle.