Bach Edition #2: Brad's just looking to find his bestfriend is all.

And so we embark on another episode of the Bachelor.

Ashley H. is the lucky girl to get the first one on one date with Brad. What a gem this one is. I know that when I want to impress a guy I always choose an outfit that looks like something a infant baby girl might wear around her head. And I don't care what anybody says, the Rachel haircut will never go out of style- in the 90's. It might however go out in 2011, sorry Ash. But no worries, both of you have dads' with addiction and departure issues, which obviously means you will be a match made in heaven according to Bradsley.

And now on to a group date/public service announcement where the girls all get to act incredibly silly and try to win over Brad's attention, talk about a formula for fun! The girls' inner stars really got the chance to shine. Anorexic Britt was able to overcome her fears of being a "goody two-shoes" and strattle and makeout with Brad. Melissa, the lady who looks like she owns a tanning salon, or I should say manages, busted in on a scene and kissed Brad when she wasn't supposed to. But the big scandal centered around Birthday Girl Michelle, she stormed off when her silver chandalier earring got caught in her belly button and no one seemed to care. Luckily, the bday girl was able to get a little one on one time with Brad later in the night, but unfortunately I didn't hear a single word that was said because I was too distracted by the Navajo tree skirt hanging around her neck. But something good must have been said because the sneaky little bday girl got the coveted rose, and she also managed to get some time to ask him some very, VERY important questions:
Michelle: Starbucks or Coffee Bean?
Brad: Coffee Bean
Michelle: Same!

Michelle: What's always in your fridge?
Brad: Turkey, eggs and water.
Michelle:Ahh me too! I mean minus the turkey. And eggs. But usually water is always in my faucet.

Michelle: Would you rather breathe or not breathe?
Brad: Breathe.
Michelle: Okay, this is getting too weird.

Next up Brad takes Jackie out on a one on one for her "very own Pretty Woman experience." Did I think it was appropriate of Brad to sell Jackie out for sex to Jason Alexander for a few hours? No, probably not. But did he make up for it by buying her lots of pretty gifts? Of course!! But then Jackie kinda throws herself under the bus when she casually mentions to Brad that she's never had a boyfriend. Rut row... do I smell a lezzy? For now it doesn't matter, because it's time to dance! And just to clarify, dancing to a fast song soberly is awkward regardless, but toss in the fact there is only two of you on a huge stage and it's just that much more uncomfortable.

Norfolk blonde girl Emily just keeps getting cuter and cuter. I'm going to call it right now that she's going to be the one who gets the monumental "reunion with child" on an episode. Those are always my favorites, they take me back to a couple of years ago with that gypsy woman who wore the butterfly clips and beads on the Jason season. Emily also just has the cutest little accent, and sweet giggle, I feel like she for sure has the qualitites to be Hugh Hefner's next fiance. Naturally, I was overjoyed when little Em Em got the rose before the ceremony.

Tanning Salon Manager is the first to cry and use it to her advantage. As a guy, I mean if I were a guy, this would be reason enough not to ever be on this show. I would rather die than have to listen to bitchy, crying girls talk about why they are the "targeted one," and that they ate four slices of onion pizza. WTF? Who gives a shit that you ate pizza? What on earth does this have to do with anything? And then onto crying girl number two. Nothing says crazy like being the first girl to admit "I'm the one nobody seems to like and I don't know why..." Vienna, anyone?

And then just when I was about to have another bowl of cereal I saw Ali come out, so I didn't go grab that extra bowl. I know that sounds awful, but I couldn't help but notice she had the FGS going on, you know, the Fat Girl Stance, when the knees automatically angle inward toward each other.

Thankfully, at the rose ceremony Brad let's go of some dead weight.
1. Keltie- she gives us the standard boo who story. Nobody likes me, I am destined to be alone, I suck, blah blah blah. The whole time though, I was wondering if she was wearing a little Jewish hat on her head or if that was just a dark rooted poof?

2. Tanning Manager Melissa?- She looked rough after everything was said and done. If that's what 32 looks like I'm not so sure I wanna get to that point.

3. Raichel with an I- she seemed a bit more suited for a Jersey Shore-esk show anyway.

Well Brad made it through yet another episode without cracking his shell. But the target on his back will just continue to grow.