My letter from Zucky

Well Zucky finally wrote me back. Three weeks later... But I'll cut him some slack on account of that whole Times Man of the Year thing, I imagine that kept him a little busy for a while. I haven't gone home to see the actual package as I'm still in Norfolk on bed rest due to extreme over eating, but Chris called me right away to tell me the news. He told me there was a big package at home addressed to me from Facebook. Imagine that! Facebook writing me for once. It's like my dream of all dreams. I can just see Zucks sitting on his bean bag chair constructing the perfect letter to me, although a simple FB message might have a been a little quicker I think. But I do have pretty strict privacy settings, I'll bet he couldn't pull me up. So anyway, according to Chris, the package contained a very nice note proclaiming that my novella is clever, well written and incredibly uplifting for Facebookers of all ages. It's everything Facebook stands for, its a book for Fb creeps written by a Fb creep. Like I said, my dreams are coming true. Finally, all of my hard work on other's people's profiles and wall to walls and status updates is starting to pay off. For legal reasons, Zucks can't really do too much with my work at this point until I sign a few simple papers. Just basic stuff it seems like. Chris told me the package contains the papers I need to sign in order to get this ball rolling. I told him to just forge my signature and send it back so we can get on with the whole rich and famous process and pack our bags already! Regardless, Chris is insisting I read it first. Nonsense. Nobdody reads agreements and contracts anymore, you scroll to the bottom as fast as you can and click I AGREE TO THE TERMS blah blah blah. Everybody knows that. Zucky wouldn't take advantage of me. Especially with something as important as Facebook Girl. Chris claims that by signing some of these agreements I could potentially be signing away all rights, and he could even claim the idea as his own. Ya right. Zucks would never do such a thing. Claim an idea that wasn't actually his as his own? Not the blue faced profile picture man I know. So as soon as I recover fully from the five day food coma I have slipped into I will be back in Topeker ready to sign what needs to be signed. Who knows, maybe by spring time Facebook Girl will be right next to Whats Your Poop Tell You and I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell on the front stand at Urban Outfitters. Oh if I could only be so lucky... And then available at Tj Max six months after. I just get too gitty thinking about the possibilities of being a second class writer, it's practically as exciting as being hired to be the ghost writer for celebs such as Lauren Conrad or Nichole Richie. It's just all happening so fast. Don't be surprised if any day now you happen to see "is now friends with Mark Zuckerberg" appear on my page...