Chpt 15 Hooking Around the Christmas Tree...

I really can't stay... But baby it's cold outside my bed...

What a wonderful time of year this is. I am so thankful that Mark Zuckerberg invented Christmas so we have even more opportunities to keep in touch with strangers and post exactly what we are doing every single moment to celebrate this amazing time. Sugar cookie decorating with the little nieces and nephews and shopping at Victorias Secret and eating lots and lots of naughty food-then hitting the gym for at least an hour to keep that smoking profile bod, duh! If it's not documented on Facebook it might not have happened. Facebooker's young and old partake in the fun of this holiday on the social network; whether it's posting a picture of the newly decorated artificial tree set perfectly in the corner of the apartment, or photos of the kiddys sitting on a pedophile's, excuse me I mean Santa's lap. I truly believe Facebook helps spread the joy all the more, of course this only adds more fuel to the chestnut fire regarding my theory of God vs Mark, friend or foes? But this is another chapter...

And what about Santa's very own sexy little helper, Facebook Girl? How does she celebrate the season? I think the better question is how doesn't she? She's got the spirit in her, no not the rapper, she's really got the festive spirit. She might be just as busy as Santa this time of year. There is just so much to post in such little time. Not a single moment goes by without an update, and mobile photo upload to boot. All I can say is THANK GOD for picture phones or I wouldn't have been able to see the Christmas heels she was debating between to purchase for Christmas Eve church. Which says the birth of baby Jesus more- Cheetah pumps or velour open toed wedges? Do you have to wear underwear with a mini skirt to church even if you're wearing sheer tights?! Tough call! And fashion dilemmas are just the start of the fun of this posting season. Facebook Girl is shopping, baking, doing good deeds, having hilarious mishaps left and right, "ice + 8 inch heels= mistake! Ahhh!" If a Facebook Girl falls on ice but a phone isn't around to post it, does she make a sound? When she isn't busy donating to the bell ringers or letting someone take a parking spot in the mall that was like totally her's but whatever it's Christmas, she is relaxing watching holiday movies and quoting every single line from Home Alone, reflecting on the importance of family, "getting crunkkkkk with my mom and dad, my mom is drunker than me! love the holidays :)" and (begrudgingly) eating pounds of delicious food. Does posting a log of every single morsel of food that has touched your mouth for the past 24 hours scream pride or extreme guilt and regret?

Luckily, FbGirl does allow a little time for fun this time of year. How could one not with all of the festive warm drinks that are available? From Christmas parties downtown to skanky sweater parties at houses. A sweater party just isn't a sweater party if you're not out in a child's tight, low cut sweater, leggings, heeled boots and innocent pig tails. I'm nice... But mostly naughty, giggle giggle. But really she's mostly nice, otherwise why would she post about the importance of knowing God and the birth of baby Jesus? Nevermind the profile pic of the booty and boobies. It's all a part of the fun. Because most of all this year she really just wants someone to love. And love her. At least that is what her letter to Santa said that was ever so kind enough to post a portion of. Wait a second. How did I not think of this before? Santa has Facebook! Wow, I feel like an idiot for not realizing this until just now. If we can talk to MJ, our deceased Grandpa, and the cat we lost five years ago- RIP Kit Kat :( well then of course Santa is on the Book! And this whole time I just thought she was posting "Dear Santa," statuses to be cute. But she is legitimately writing him via FB. But wouldn't a private message be a little more appropriate? I guess one could argue that question on everything though, couldn't they?

FbGirl: "OMG. I just ate like 12 cookies 10 cupcakes and 1000 pieces of candy. Oh well tis the season to get chubby I guess!"

Tis the season to also get an eating disorder.

FbGirl: "Only four more days to buy presents,wrap them all cute, bake cookies and buy a new dress for church! Ahh I'm running out of time!!!"

And posting/mobile uploads every step of the way take up even more time out of your busy schedule! Eeek!

FbGirl: "Dear Santa, all I want this year is guy who is not a douche and knows how to treat a girl right. And maybe the cute PINK! lace nighty from Victorias Secret... Thanks xoxo"

Like like like!

FbGirl: "I feel sooo bad for the bell ringers in the freezzzing cold. They def deserved the hot chocolate I gave them. Giving is the best part of this season!"

No, giving, and then posting about giving is the best part!

FbGirl: "Sometimes we have to stop and remember it's not just about the gifts or decorations. The real part of this holiday is the birth of Jesus. Merry XMas everyone :)"

Nothing says a chritstian holiday like taking the Christ out of CHRISTmas. Merry XMas indeed.