Mehican memories.

Dear Mexican Diary,

No, I’m not on my computer in Mexico because I am bored. I am merely on my computer because the opportunity presented itself and I figured oh why not, I have a few minutes to spare in between post lunch drinks and pre dinner drinks so spare me your judgment, gracias. But after being here for four days now I am reminded of two things- 1. I remember why I joined Lifetime the day I got home last year and 2. I remember why the U.S. (begrudgingly, I’m sure) had to give up the coveted title of fattest country to Mexico. Beer is cheaper and more accessible than water, and refried beans are the country’s ketchup. They go with absolutely anything.

So after a long day of flying on Day 1 I landed no more than ten minutes later than the rest of the crew and was able to spare the trouble of having to subject myself to the world of human trafficking in order to get a cheap taxi to our resort. Talk about a relief. We stopped at our normal little stand by the road to pick up some Coronas for the ride in, although this year Jade is being uber paranoid and not drinking just because she’s pregnant, but I think it has more to do with the calories but whatever it didn’t deter the rest of us. I’m sure some day she’ll look back on this vacation and realize what a loser she was for not cutting loose a little more, I mean has anyone ever thought to stop and ask a baby whether or not they would prefer a Corona over a glass of milk on a hot afternoon in Mexico? No, because we all know what that answer would be. But anyway, by the time we got all settled in and had four or five drinks it was already time for dinner. Given that baby BJ (B as in Bill and J as in Jade) is already running our family “we” decided it would probably be best to have a relaxing night and just stay around the resort rather than head in for a crazy night on the Cabo strip. But this was really fine with me, it might be the Topeker in me, but I have truly enjoyed having a much more relaxing and tame trip this year as opposed to some of the past years. Anyway, the only one who is having trouble staying in after dinner to casually drink and play really fun games like Apples to Apples and Catch Phrase is believe it or not, Mr. Jersey Shore, Jordan. I don’t know what kind of trip he was expecting, but about the time we all head to bed is when he heads into town. Alone. Maybe it’s just me being boring, but a night out alone in Mexico doesn’t hit the top of my list. So last night Jordan, Chris and I had drinks at the resort in a bar right by the ocean. After about four drinks a piece, I assumed it was more than time to call it a night, I mean it was already 11! But as the little golf cart dropped us off at our building Jordan stayed on and waved Chris and I good bye telling us he was headed in for a crazy night in town. When I asked him why he felt it necessary to go out alone in another country just to drink he replied,

“Because it’s a Friday night and I want to get drunk.”

To which I wondered if Jordan had secretly been working the previous three days and nights of vacation thus far? Was this his first night off and I hadn’t realized it somehow? Was he bartending at one of the restaurants on the resort perhaps? I guess it didn’t really matter because before I could respond he was on his sloppy way telling the driver to “rapido!” “rapido!” and screaming “weeee!” all the way up the hill until we could no longer hear. According to my mom he got in around 4:30 a.m. and told her he had met many new “muchachos” and “compadres” at a local bar and then rather than sleeping inside on a bed he hightailed it outside to sleep on the lawn chair, instead. Around 8 a.m. when the rest of us were going for breakfast the tiny Dancer was still fast asleep outside face down, fully clothed. That South Carolina lifestyle is clearly a little more fast paced than the Peker lifestyle. According to Jordan it’s just as fun, if not more, than Lincoln. He says the downtown has an entire strip of fun bars he goes to, I think he said some of his favorites are called something like Buddies, Cowboys, StudMuffins and Prideful? I can’t wait to visit.

So now I am sitting in a bath tub of aloe vera hoping to ease the pain of the red burns I acquired today. I don’t care what anyone says, I am not a fair skinned person and am going to force my skin to accept this, as well. Spending a full day at sea tomorrow will hopefully turn any remaining sunburns into a dark golden tan, as well as get rid of my raccoon eyes. But I see the sun is just about to set which tells me it's almost happy hour at pool #3 so it's time to get back to vacation. Happy Thanksgiving weekend.

#2

Dear Mexi Diary,

So today was my first deep sea fishing experience. It might have been my last, as well. Just for the record, I enjoy being on a boat. I enjoy boat drinking, I like a boat tan, I like boat music, and seeing dolphins and whales swim by is always exciting. Here is what I don’t enjoy: I don’t enjoy being freezing on a boat. I don’t enjoy watching the mexican man “help” us fish take little innocent fishys from the boat tank and slap them against the wall until their eyes pop out and they stop moving. I think it’s incredibly inhumane. On the flip side, if I was swimming in the ocean and that same little innocent fishy started nibbling on me I would probably freak out and scream kill it kill it! I am hypocritical like that. But whatever, I don’t like to see things get tortured in front of me. And heres the thing about deep sea fishing. It isn’t. It should be called deep sea reeling, because that’s all you get to do. The mexican helpers set up the line, they cast when necessary, the only thing we do is sit in the chair and start reeling after something has bit. BFD. And the boat cabin didn’t even have a fridge or mini bar beneath. I don’t know, it just wasn’t what I was expecting. But it was kind of intense to be in the middle of the huge ocean away from everything, it got me thinking about a lot of deep stuff. Like mermaids. I just think it’s pretty arrogant of us land folk to believe we are the only society there is, whose to say there isn’t an entire other under water world we are yet to discover because it is just that far beneath. Go ahead and scoff, Chris did when I expressed this theory, but then go watch Splash and tell me again I’m not on to something. But anyway, the highlight of my day didn’t come until we were heading back to port when it was time to feed the birds. I really don’t like birds, and due to more than one bird attack in my life I am kind of scared of them, but for some crazy ass reason I get a huge thrill out of feeding birds. Even though yes, I realize this always attracts a very large amount which always ends up freaking the hell out of me it, I never seem to learn. So on the way back to the harbor it was time to feed the remaining bait fish to the birds, the same bait fish I initially felt sorry for became my entertainment to throw in the air to the pelicans to fight after. I think they were pelicans, they were awfully large with big disgusting beaks. And then right at the end Andre the seal showed up at our boat to get some fish, as well! I was so excited with this, he looked like a huge puppy dog in the water just waiting to bounce a ball off of his nose. We were out of fish at this point so I quickly ran to the cooler and tried to feed he him ham and buns, but for some reason I still don’t understand, Andre wouldn’t even sniff the ham. And the oreos I threw at him didn't catch his interest in the least. Obviously the mermaids don't feed their pets table scraps.

#3

Dear Diary,

Chris and I are almost home. We are sitting in the Denver airport waiting for our flight to take up back home to Topeker. We are tired, dirty and in need of at least three showers to rinse the Mexico off of us. But never the less we are just thankful to be back in the US of A. I told Chris that it's always good to go abroad for awhile if not just to remind us why America is so freaken great, why we are just the best damn country. I have a new sense of pride whenever I return from a seven day vacaction in the toilet, I mean Mexico. But seriously, what happens in Mexico stays in Mexico-'s sewer system. TMI. I won't expand, if you've been you know what I mean. It's just nice to be home is all. I haven't seen the Today Show in over a week, for all I know a celebrity might have gone to rehab or gotten fat and I would have no idea. I have a lot of mags to catch up on. But all in all, in the words of a dear friend, Cabo was definitely fabo.