Teen Mom: April Gets a Makeover Edish

Since MTV chose to start with Farrah, I suppose I will too. Although, I didn't hear much of what she said because I spent the entire time distracted by her mouth in the downward "O" position. Does she have more bottom teeth than most people? Or just more bottom teeth than most bull dogs? And I finally figured out where I recognize Deborah from, it just came to me! She's Deborah Lou Who from WhoVille, it's so obvious to me now when I look at her I can't believe it too me this long to figure it out. Another revelation I had tonight was regarding Deborah's 1970's blonde winged out hair... Hello, Farrah Fawcett anybody?! It all makes so much sense. And I might be alone with this thought, but I don't think of Debbie as the "villain" as Dr. Drew said. If Farrah was my daughter I would have done a lot worse to her than a simple bitch slap, like perhaps use the "pairing knife" on her, rather than leave it in the kitchen as Farrah said she is instructed to do in her imaginary culinary school. Speaking of instruction, Farrah seems to blame her mother for her lack of knowledge regarding birth control in high school. So you're telling me that as a 16 year old Counciltucky girl you didn't know about any form of birth control? Puh- leaseee. I've been to those CTucky high schools, and instead of vending machines in the cafeteria your schools have condom machines. I've seen them. Instead of kleenex boxes on teacher's desks they have boxes of birth control hand outs. Rather than asking for a promise ring from your next boyfriend ask for a Nuva Ring.

So next up was Ryan. I mean Maci. But I don't think I heard a single word that came out of Maci's orange mouth because I was too distracted by the hunk next to her. No, I'm not talking about the marshmallow Michelin man Kyle, I'm talking about Ryan. He stole the show tonight. Where has this cute comedic personality been hiding for the past two seasons? He joked, he smiled, he made fun of himself, it was like he was drunk or something. It was adorable. And who knew Maci was such a skank- besides the fact she had a baby at 16, I mean. But she was kinda sorta maybe dating Kyle when Ryan came into the picture and made her preggers all of the sudden? Whoopsy daisy.

So... Is Catelynn leaving the show early tonight to perform in the midnight showing of Hairspray? Is she the new Nikki Blonsky? Is Tyler the new Zac Efron? I could totally see this. But truthfully, just happy to see the bands are off. I do think April looked pretty fancy. I think it's obvious a trip to the hair salon definitely occurred, and also a trip to Wet Seal. Not everyone can pull off gold and black lace like April did. Then again, April doesn't need an excuse to dress up- "I don't need an excuse, I'm mom." Words to live by. I wonder if she is planning on taking full advantage of her saucy little makeover and heading over to Glamour Shots later to get a few to send to Butchy Boo? I was pretty disappointed to hear he is back in the slammer, for April's sake I mean. She needs a sturdy man in her life. And oh boy, that home video of Carly and her first walk was probably a little too much. I didn't see that in the previews so I was kind of caught off guard, as was that little bundle of emotions, Tyler.

Amber... Is this even worth my time, because I really don't know if it is. She is just too disgusting and trashy for words. She suddenly has this certain swagger and style of speech that I feel like she thinks makes her look and sound really cool and gangster. And the black tears are not flattering unless you are Lauren Conrad and this is the first time the camera has captured an actual human-like emotion on your face rather than just a look of wonder staring off into "the hills." Seeing how sweet little Leah is I can't help but wonder if maybe she isn't even Amber's child. Gary should demand a maternity test, because if Leah aint Amber's child there's gonna be some rumble in the jungle.

So a new season of pregnant little girls is just around the corner... Will I watch? I doubt it, it just wouldn't feel right to me. I can only handle so many teen moms in my life, and right now, between Maci, Farrah, Catelynn and Black Faced Monster Woman I feel like I have enough on my plate for the time being. I never say never though, especially when it comes to teen pregnancy.