Ali who?

Sadly, my DVR apparently isn't a huge fan of Ali so it chose to record only three seconds of the season opener tonight. So instead, I am going to discuss how I just assume the episode played out.
First things first, Ali is introduced to all of the dreamboats as they step out of the window each trying to do something to make themselves stand out. Now guys generally aren't as unfunny as girls, however, guys who willingly choose to be on a show like this could be just as douchey. I mean not a lot of 20-30 year old guys I know would volunteer to be on a show to compete for the love of one semi pretty/bitchy girl in hopes they'll be able to marry her at the end. Okay I'll admit, Ali's cute, but she's no Rosaline. Anyway, I'm sure most will get out of the limo and tell her how incredible she looks "did you fall from heaven", some will say "look no more, I'm your husband," and then there will be that one who wants to go really far and will like just out of the window or something. At least that is the clip Ellen showed today as she interviewed America's Sweetheart Ali. And Ali will laugh and giggle and throw her full head of long Vienna style extensions back and pretend to be that cute girl next door. She's playing the "cool girl." The low key, I can hang with the guys, and I prefer to watch sports, but I can still wear dresses, kind of girl. So cliche.
Then will come the awkward mingling time. This will be the time when the men try to wooo her with bad jokes, worse pick up lines and maybe even a few pity heartbreak stories. These men should take cue from the women and attempt to drink a little bit more this segment. All the while Ali will continue to laugh and giggle and throw back her head of long Vienna style extensions. What a precious girl she is. I am sure she will also remind all of us more than once that she "gave up everything to be here." And by everything does she mean her job at Facebook, or her deceased grandmother's home she brings boyfriends home to? Doesn't matter, because she's Ali. And just in case she has to bail half way through again this season because the blue picture man at FB calls her to report back to work because of an emergency, I hope that Chris Harrison will step up to take her spot.
So I'm just hoping I might be able to catch more than three seconds of next weeks epsiode, but if not, I'm sure I will be able to just write about what I think might have happened again. Chances are this will be the most dramatic season of the Bachelorette-that is until ABC discovers the gold mine that would be Ashley as Bachelorette. (And you know I mean this as a compliment.)