Airport fun

I just love airports. I love the friendly staff, the friendly travelers and all of the friendly lines. But unlike an amusement park once you get through the line you don't get to go on a fun ride,you just get to another line. Also, note to security, if you really think that I am capable of making a bomb out of my 4.2 oz hair spray bottle, well then you are giving me much more credit than I deserve. Today me and my mom are dashing through the Chicago airport trying to get through security when we get turned away for having too many carry ons. But our carry ons weren't actually carry ons, they were just shopping bags full of our clothes we bought on Michigan Ave. Tomatoe tomato, we couldn't carry more than two bags including our purses. So the security girl is getting snatchy,
"You can't carry all these bags on. You have to check them."
"Ok, I'm not going to check a brown Bloomingdale un sealed bag."
"Well, if you continue to hold up this line you will get charged $1000 for every minute you delay the plane."
Ummm ya. My bull shit alert starts to go off so loud I can barely hear the girl bitching at us making up these gibberish lies. But then I get smart and come up with this great idea.
"Alright, no problem, I'll just put all these clothes on."
The girl looks at me with a "you can't do that look." Now it's a challenge.
So I pull out my leather jacket and put it on first, than a black trench coat on top of it, and finish it off with the new faux fur bulky cheetah coat. I look ridiculous. And the security girl is livid. I loved it.
But Chicago was a lot of fun. The shopping is amazing obviously. And the bars and restaurant's are great too. The only thing I didn't really understand about Chicago is why every bar we went to felt the need to have hand dryers in the bathrooms. Not like machines, I'm talking about people. Every time I came out of the bathroom stall there was a creepy lady standing by the sink holding a rag for my to dry off with. Now I just want to know at what point life leads someone to the occupation of drying the hands immediately after someone has just relieved them self. Come to think of it, I hope I'll never know though, actually.
On another note, I'm starting to eat crazy healthy tomorrow. I was trying on some boots in a store this weekend and it was really crowded so I casually attempted to sit on the shelf that was right behind me. It was a low shelf, it held heavy luggage, I assumed it could hold me. As soon as I sat onto the shelf it crashed to the ground and all of the luggage on it tumbled down. Everyone turned to stare at me as I lay sprawled out on the groud with luggage surrounding me. It was quite humiliating. I hope to lose ten pounds by Friday. I'll let you know how it goes.