LFM #9 Dear Annoying People of the world,

Before getting my wisdom teeth extracted I didn’t even know they were there. They didn’t hurt, they didn’t bother me at all, hell they were so far back there I didn’t even worry about brushing them most times. Kidding, that would be gross… But now as I suffer in pain all day and night with throbbing holes in my mouth, saliva that tastes like Casey Anthony’s trunk.. to reference a previous joke I mean car trunk… and a constant headache, I can’t help but wonder why I went along with this surgery in the first place. Dentists should never be trusted, except for Dr. Codi Carubia.



So I’m going to blame my somewhat pissy attitude today on my wisdom teeth. Everything is annoying me.

LFM #9 Dear Annoying People of the world,


Just a few tips to make life easier on the rest of us:


If you have the sniffles, blow your nose. When you have the sniffles again, blow your nose again.

And throw your used tissue away, were you seriously going to reuse a snot kleenex?


If you have your blinker on, turn it off once it’s fulfilled its purpose. We get that you might turn again eventually, but for now you're all set.

Snow doesn't equal fire, if you happen to drive on the snow at a normal speed rate your car will not burst into flames.


This is really going to blow your mind, but when you step on an elevator and floor 1 is already pushed, there is no need to push it again. Shocking, I know.


Right lane= slow drivers. Left lane= faster drivers. This doesn’t just apply with driving. If you’re standing on the escalator move over to the right, sometimes people prefer to walk up on the left side. I know this is complicated stuff, so just try to bear with me here.


When you’re done microwaving something, go ahead and press “clear.” CLEAR. I don’t need to see how much time you didn’t use.


Along these same lines, guys, please put the toilet seat down. Just do it. Don’t get all bitchy about why should you have to change, you just do. Chances are you piss on the seat much more than your girlfriend.


This is more of a question than a complaint, but I don’t understand why people gather outside on Michigan avenue at the CBS building to watch through a window as two guys host a radio show. It’s called television. We don’t “actually” have to watch radio anymore…


Turn right on red, try it out and I think you’ll discover it feels pretty liberating.


Don’t loiter by the bathroom sink if someone else just scurried in, they want to be alone. You want to leave them alone.


Can we have just one day on Facebook without inspirational quotes? Just one day where I can allow myself to feel like a cranky bitch without having to read about why today is going to be such a great day because we have been given the power to lift ourselves up and blah blah blah.


When I make a call, I want to talk to a live person. Is this so much to ask? Can we just pretend the dial by name system never happened?


And when I’m in a pissy mood, don’t ask “what’s wrong?”


Unfortunately, this list could go on too long today so I’ll stop now. Now go have a wonderful day because today is a new day full of new opportunities and life is short and possibilities are endless and sunshine and sprinkles and cupcakes and cake farts.

And on a less suicidal note, thanks again for continuing to post our book!!! We think we've found a publisher and as soon as we can get the ball rolling we'll post more info. Obvi.