What'chu talking bout Willis?

Today has been a rough day for more reasons than one. It all began around 11:00 a.m. when I mosied on out to lay by my pool. I knew the actual pool wasn't open just yet because it still had the appearance of the pool on Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead pre Christina Applegate fakes a job and they makeover the house. But anywho, I didn't care, I just needed a chair to lay in. So I get all oiled up and am settled into my chair when the skank woman from the office tells me I need to leave because the pool isn't open. Our convo went something like this-
"Um excuse me Miss, the pool isn't open just yet."
"Oh that's fine, I have no intention of getting in the pool."
"Well okay, but the entire pool area is closed."
I very politely reply, "why is that?"
So woman doesn't know exactly what to say, after a few seconds she responds with, "it's for safety reasons."
Huh. Now why would a pool that has two feet of water in it be more dangerous than a completely full pool?
"Well, I feel pretty safe out here. I'll lay out at my own risk."
She didn't like this. So she huffs around for a second and then says,
"Fine. But we are going to lock these gates. You'll have to exit through the office when you leave."
She trots off and within minutes I see the other apartment snots all gathered at the window staring at me. Yup, thats right bitches I'm laying out while you're stuck inside sweating in your Lane Bryant work suits. Sucks to be you. But in an hour the joke was on me when I realized the pool bathroom was outside of the locked gate. I knew once I left that pool there was no getting back in. But it was only 1:00 at this time and I still had a good two hours of sun time left. I had no other choice but to go the apartment complex down the road and crash their pool. All started well here until it became baby time. Now let me just say that I don't dislike babies. I think they're great most of the time. I just don't like babies in certain places i.e. restaurants, movies, zoos, pools, you know places for adults like myself...I'm reading my book just keeping to myself when this little baby walks over to me and starts pouring her watering bucket all over my book. She giggles and says "wa wa." So what do I respond to that? Shit shit? Her mother is oblivious to all as she is too busy eating Cheerios from a ziplock bag I am assuming was intended for book ruining baby. Next thing I know my E! news app tells me little Gary Coleman is dead. More bad news! What else could go wrong today I am starting to wonder. Then I get a text from a little birdy saying America's Favorite couple split. SPEIDI! I don't believe it. If those two can't make it in the world who can? I mean they seem as genuine as it gets, it just really breaks my heart. Did they even consider Enzo's feelings in all of this? First SATC 2 flop then Coleman now Speidi? What is going on in Hollywood? Well all I can say is TGIF. If only I could spend the night with the casts of Step by Step and Family Matters like the good ol days.