The Simple Things

I have spent the greater part of my morning googling various subjects such as "best jobs to get out of college," "how to become an E! correspondent," "how did Chelsea Handler get started," "how did Lauren Conrad write a book people actually read," "how to get paid to write a blog that makes fun of people," and other similar questions. I have not received a single decent answer. Regarding the "best jobs out of college" question, almost every result suggested becoming an Actuary. First of all I'm not even quite sure what actuaries do, I know it involves a lot of calculus and numbers, so if I were smart enough to do that I would not be googling "what to do after college," obviously! Chelsea Handler apparantly got started as waitress at a comedy club, one night she got too drunk and found herself on stage doing stand up, and the rest is history. She said her main objective was to find a job that allowed her to drink while doing it. LA Candy by Miss Lauren Conrad is apparantly just one of many that this wonderful littler writer has published. It makes me sick. No answers were given as to why people purchase her page turning novels. And finally, my last question "how to write a blog and get paid," well the first result had something to do with John Gosselin's blog so I opted to click on the next link to take a Career Finder quiz. I answered about fifty pointless questions regarding what interests me only to find out the last question was "Would you like to turn your old gold jewelry into CASH CASH CASH???" Wonderful.
Two hours later and I am no better off than when I started. It just doesn't suit well with me that nasty people like John & Kate or those icky Pretty Wild girls are making money doing absolutely nothing while other deserving people (me!) have to scrape the bottom of the bucket to get by. So that might be a slight stretch, I'm not exactly "struggling to get by per say," but I can't just go out and buy a new summer Burberry bag like I would prefer. It's shit. It's shit because a creepo like Johnny Gosselin is able to buy all the dazzly Affliction and Ed Hardy printed across the butt jeans his fat little heart desires. I know it seems I have a lot of anger toward J&K given the fact I have mentioned both on more than one occassion, but I just hate that their rich and famous for doing NOTHING. Their famous for not being able to have kids so they had to do some voo doo fertility magic that landed them with half a bakers dozen of babies.
But see I don't even want fame, well, I mean I could have a little, like as much as Hoda Kobi has, that would be the desired amount. But anyway, all I am asking for is a job that makes me a lot of money, in which I am my own boss, and so I obviously pick my own hours, but don't have an office, can work when I want, this job that I do will for some reason land me on The Today Show a few times, a guest on Ellen a few times, and it's doing something I really truly enjoy doing. Oh, and at the end my story will become a movie. See, like I said, I just want the simple things.